I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
