so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
