I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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