I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
