when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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