so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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