i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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