Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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