There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
