never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
