Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
