I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
