It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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