I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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