Grow some girl-balls and come out already
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
