is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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