she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
