I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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