this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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