Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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