i think i have two assholes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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