good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
