I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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