I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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