Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
