like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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