I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do vagina's smell?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
