Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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