I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
