It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
