We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
