Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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