My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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