I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
