Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
