It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
