What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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