it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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