You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize