I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
