Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
