Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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