with your own penis?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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