So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
