Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
