I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
