I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
