Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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