I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
