Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
