got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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