Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
