you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
