The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
