you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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