Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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