you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
