I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize