i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
