Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
