I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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