what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize