K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
