Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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