am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize