Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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