I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
