I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
