Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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