We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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