I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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