I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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